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How Long Should You Stay At a Wake? This is completely up to you. If you are hoping to catch up with other friends and family members to show your support, this is a good time to do so. However, it is perfectly acceptable to leave immediately after paying your respects to the family.
Though you won’t be asked to keep vigil over the body, most people go to wakes with the express intention of interacting with the deceased. The main intent of the wake beyond comforting the family is to pay your respects to the deceased. You may go up and say a silent prayer. You may say goodbye.
The short answer is, yes. It’s usually just fine to attend both the wake and the funeral. Especially if the person who dies was someone you knew very well. In fact, most people would consider it the respectable thing to do.
There is no set amount, as it should be a gift – so give whatever you think is enough, and gift from the heart. An amount of $10 is perfectly acceptable, and is usually dependent on your relationship with the family. Place your contributions in an envelope, and leave the envelope with a family member of the deceased.
When attending a visitation it is best to dress conservatively. While most people typically wear black or other dark colors to anything funeral-related, that is not necessary. What you wear should be subdued, unless otherwise requested by the family.
- My condolences.
- I’m really sorry you’re going through this.
- Your mom was a wonderful woman.
- You loved him/her well.
- I’m thinking of your family during this difficult time.
For most funerals, a navy suit or a grey or charcoal suit with a plain button-down shirt will be considered appropriate too. It’s vital that your suit has been recently cleaned and pressed, and fits you well.
As with a funeral service, if you are invited to a wake, viewing, or visitation you should feel free to go. If the event is limited to family only, you should respect the family’s wishes and not attend.
Choose neutral or black color trench coats or long jackets, opaque leggings, and winter boots. The same rule applies to scarves, gloves, hats, or any other accessories you plan to wear. Stay away from color-blocking or contrast colors.
As a neutral color, white should not be considered inappropriate at most North American funerals. Though you should ask the family hosting the service when in doubt, plain, neutral colors are generally acceptable for memorials. Wearing white in conjunction with other dark tones is absolutely appropriate.
The most common answer is that jeans aren’t considered appropriate funeral etiquette unless requested by the family. However, dark, unembellished jeans paired with a shirt, tie, and blazer for men or a blouse and a blazer for women can be appropriate for a casual service.
You should attend both the wake and the funeral for family members and very close friends. If you’re a member of the immediate family, people will want to express condolences to you. Even if it’s difficult, being there is important.
It’s considered proper etiquette to pay your respects in another way if you’re unable to attend the funeral. While you shouldn’t feel guilty if you can’t attend, you should take action to honor the deceased and their family.
A funeral service is an opportunity for family, friends and acquaintances to pay their respects to the person who has died. It is generally open to anyone who wishes to attend, though the family may state it’s a private service, in which case it’s exclusively for family members and close friends.
What You Should Bring to a Funeral, Memorial Service, or Viewing. If you’re asking whether you should bring a gift to a funeral service, the answer is generally yes. While a gift is not usually required to attend the service, it’s considered polite not to arrive empty-handed.
Because a funeral is a somber occasion, it is best to dress in conservative colors and styles in semi-formal attire. Black is still the safest color for funeral attire, but you don’t have to wear solid black.
A simple, solid-colored dress in muted colors and dark shoes. A dark skirt with a formal top and dark shoes. Dress pants with a dressy top or a sweater. Simple, classic jewelry such as a pearl necklace or stud earrings.
- “He/She Deserved to Die” …
- “It Could be Worse” …
- “It was Destiny” …
- “Everything Happens for a Reason” …
- “At Least…” …
- “You’re Still Young” …
- “It’s Better…”
We recommend wearing dark or neutral colors, because darker colors reflect the mourning atmosphere of the service or visitation. Clothing can be formal (think suits and dresses) or casual (pants or nice jeans and shirts).
If you’re close family or knew the deceased very well, it’s customary to send flowers for the visitation and funeral and in some cases, even to the family’s home. If you’re more an acquaintance, work colleague, distant friend, etc then sending sympathy flowers to their home or the viewing is a polite thing to do.
Black is the traditional color for funeral services. It’s generally acceptable to wear non-black clothing, such as dark blue or gray. Stick with subdued colors and fabric textures so that you don’t pull attention away from the person who is being honored. Avoid red, bright pink, orange, yellow, or other bright colors.
Generally speaking, black is still the proper attire for funeral clothing. However, if you are not related to the deceased, you can wear navy blue or dark grey as well. It is not necessary to go out and buy a black suit or dress if you don’t already have one.
Depending on the color of your suit or dress clothes, make sure you wear the appropriate colored shoes to match. Brown shoes go best with a blue, brown, or light grey suit. Black shoes match with a black suit, dark blue, or dark grey suit. Also, make sure to spend a few extra minutes cleaning and shining your shoes.
There’s nothing wrong with not attending a parent’s funeral if there isn’t a pressing need or motivation to be there. There are many reasons why a person may feel the need to skip out on the funeral or memorial service.
Unless the family wants the funeral or memorial service to be private, you are welcome to attend. If you are close to the bereaved or the deceased, live close by and have no extenuating circumstances, then, by all means, go to the funeral. In fact, if you don’t go, your presence may be missed.
As a general guideline, children should be allowed to attend a wake, funeral and burial if they want to. They can also be involved in the funeral planning. Joining family members for these rituals gives the child a chance to receive grief support from others and say goodbye in their own way to the person who has died.
No bare legs. Wear dark stockings or ultra sheer nude hose to show respect. Nothing flashy or bright. If your style is to wear colorful clothes, tone it down for a funeral.
Avoid spaghetti straps, too-tight clothing, and miniskirts. Wear black, gray, or dark blue if possible, but most contemporary funerals allow a wider range of color as long as it is not too ostentatious. For men, do not wear shorts or denim. Rather, stick to lightweight slacks or dress pants.
Would a black skirt and a white and black polka-dotted blouse (mostly white) be ok to wear to a funeral? So long as you are wearing something modest, respectful, and not too “loud” it is perfectly acceptable to wear colors other than all black to a funeral.
Wearing black to a funeral is a longstanding tradition in many areas of the world, particularly in the United States and other Western nations. Funerals are usually somber occasions, and wearing black indicates that you’re mourning the loss of someone. It’s also considered a sign of respect for the deceased.
Why you shouldn’t wear red to a funeral Wearing red to a funeral can be a sign of disrespect. It will give others a completely wrong impression if you wear a bright and bold colour to a funeral, as this goes against the dark, muted colours associated with sadness and mourning.
“It is still generally considered to be ‘bad form’ to wear all white to a wedding. It’s a big risk as it can be taken as you trying to upstage the bride,” says Jo. “Plus, you may look too prominent in group photos.” “With so many other colours available, my advice would be to avoid the light hue altogether.
Wearing a pair of sheer pantyhose adds a smooth look of perfection to your legs and completes the classic ensemble. A pair of black opaque tights can also go well with your funeral dress. Black tights with a black dress is the perfect montone head-to-toe funeral wear look.
Etiquette says that men should wear a black or dark colored suit to a funeral.
Although it is becoming more popular to wear bright or casual clothing to calling hours and funerals, it is safest to dress in subdued clothing unless you have been instructed otherwise. Black offers a safe option, but any somber, simple colors are fine.
Can You Wear Jeans to a Wake? Unless you know in advance that the wake you are attending is a casual event, you should never wear jeans or any casual clothing to a wake. Most attire for wakes is business dress or Sunday dress. Anything less is considered disrespectful.
Visitation Etiquette Dress nicely, but you don’t need to be too formal. The standard protocol for a funeral visitation is to stop by, introduce yourself to the family (if needed) and pay your condolences, and then leave after a short period of time.
Irish wakes are a celebration of life – one last party to honor the deceased. The name “wake” originated because unknown diseases had plagued the countryside causing some to appear dead. As the family began to mourn, they would awaken. For this reason, the body is waked in the deceased’s home for at least one night.
When should you not attend the funeral? In general, if you’re on good terms with your ex-spouse and ex-family, you should attend the funeral. You were a big part of your spouse’s life at one time. Even if you’ve gone separate ways, those memories and feelings are still very real.
The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:8 that “to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.” It is a testimony to our family and friends that we believe our deceased loved ones are not in the casket.